Christmas in Canada - Jul i Canada

Luckily we are free men again. This guy we met on ICQ chat, with the nickname “Homo-sexual serial killer” held us locked up for some time. The police suddenly came a couple of days ago, claim to look for a Hoffa-guy or what they called him, as well as some neighbors that had disappeared. Not sure why they looked here though, but so they did.


Anyhow, they confiscated some rustic meat hooks hanging from the ceiling, some barrels of acid from the basement and brought our friendly host for some State Correctional Christmas party or something like that. When we asked what we should do they said it was no space left in the car and just told us to fuck off, and so we did. All the way to Canada as a matter of fact.


Obviously, we got out again just in time for Christmas. Not sure if I should call it good luck or bad luck. This time of the year that comes and goes every year without me taking much notice of it, except from increasing disgust for selfishness, commercial stunts, a rain of useless gifts given for the sake of just giving something. Despite this, as good Scandinavians we still celebrate as good as we can, with a certain bad consciousness for family left behind.


It’s not easy to do it properly when you’re on the road though. Logistics man, I can tell. I got a bottle of Linje Akevitt ( http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akvavit ) that I brought from Europe, and now we’ve driveled all over it while crossing 5000kms of North America. Before this, it was on the vessel “MV Taronga” crossing Equator a couple of times, so it’s a well travelled bottle that will die on Christmas Eve. This major component for the Christmas meal was secured early.


Scandinavians celebrate Christmas Eve, and not some other awkward day. We normally eat pork, and not some “too-fat-ass-to-fly-bird” that says “gobligobligobli” and is just embarrassing stupid. Oh no, the pork meat gives us back the wits we drink away. To be able to get it Scandinavian style we’ve dug up Mona and Willy in Canada. Willy is one of the old school Canadian hippies that lived in Christiania Freetown, Copenhagen,( http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freetown_Christiania ) in the seventies and still drives Nimbus, and Mona is his Danish girlfriend. Just perfect company and we’re so happy that they invited the two wise men that were supposed to be three. Perfect time and place.

Gifts are part of the celebration as well, like it or dislike it. I do not give away anything that has been advertized for to fight the commercialism of the Christmas. Furthermore, it must be something useful for the person receiving it. For our hosts, we’ve been stealing misc items from motels. Who doesn’t need towels and soap? And besides, at all the places it’s been advertized that it’s not for sale, can it be less commercialized? Probably not.

For Klaus I’ve gotten him a left and second hand plunger, which I also consider both very useful, cheap and design wise good looking. If he ever wants to build a puke-green custom Nimbus called “Copy of the sewerage-masters prototype” it’ll be great décor, or if he experience a dense toilet in Nicaragua he will need it. I actually gave exactly this item to one of my best friends while we were in secondary school, and I’ll never forget how much he appreciated it. In fact, the next year he bought one for each of his family members next Christmas, so this is a bull’s eye.



Even the bikes are decorated for Christmas now. I’ve gotten a pair of original Canadian rein-moose antlers and attached to the bike with cable ties. The bike pretty much looks like Rudolph the Redneck Rein-moose, and riding it is just like riding a moose, only better, more powerful and oil leaking.

And last but not least, we’ve downloaded all the most popular Scandinavian Christmas Carols, like “Drømmere og Drankeres" (“Dreamers and Drunkards”) songs “Bestemor ble drept av et reinsdyr” (“Grandma was killed by a Rein-Deer”), http://www.itunes.apple.com/us/album/bestemor-ble-drept-av-et-reinsdyr/id297992027?i=297992070 , “Julekveld I fengslet” ("Christmas Eve in the Prison”) and the ever popular Eddie Meduza song you can hear at www.youtube.com/watch?v=dobpeXTgjGg


All is now set for a great Christmas celebration with good friends. As a Christmas gift to the readers I’ll get the blog updated so you can get the details on how it is to travel North US of A in the winter time. Happy Christmas everybody, thanks to all of you that’s been supporting us the last year!


And yeah, if there’s somebody which is not all done with the presents and wonder what to buy, a plunger is a great gift and rarely sold out.

Tormod
tormod.amlien@gmail.com


Heldigvis er vi frie mennesker igen nu; fyren vi fandt på ICQ chat, ham med øgenavnet 'Homosexual serial killer' holdt os indespærret en tid. Så mødte politiet pludselig op for at lede efter en fyr der hed Hoffa, samt nogle andre naboer som var forsvundet. Ved ikke hvorfor de ledte her, men det gjorde de altså.

Nå, men de konfiskerede nogle rustikke kødkroge der hang fra lofte, nogle tønder syre fra kælderen og slæbte vores vært med til julefest i et fængsel et sted. Da vi spurgte hvad vi så skulle gøre, bad de os om at skubbe ad H****** til, men vi kørte til Canada i stedet.

Så vi slap ud lige i tide til at fejre jul, men om det var held eller uheld er jeg ikke så sikker på. Den tid på året kommer og går uden at jeg rigtig bemærker det, bortset fra en stigende afsky for selviskhed, kommercielt fis og en flodbølge af gaver som bliver givet bare for at give noget. Men på trods af det, fejrede vi den alligevel som gode skandinaver gør det, med en smule dårlig samvittighed overfor familierne som sad hjemme i Norge uden os.

Det er nu ikke så nemt at gøre det ordentligt når man er på langtur. Bare logistikken, siger jeg. Jeg har en flaske Linje Akvavit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akvavit) som jeg tog med fra Europa, og nu har vi vrøvlet om den hele vejen tværs over USA. Før dette var den med skibet 'MV Taronga' et par gange over Ækvator, så det er en vidt berejst flaske der skal dø juleaften. Denne vigtige del af julemiddagen var blevet sikret tidligt.

Vi skandinaver fejrer juleaften, og ikke nogen anden fjollet dag, som man fx. gør det i USA. Vi spiser flæskesteg og ikke en groft overvægtig fugl der siger ”gobbbeligobligok” og i øvrigt er hjerteskærende dum. Næ nej, flæskestegen redder de dele af hjernen der ellers er på vej til at blive drikket væk. For at fejre julen i god skandinavisk stil besøgte vi Mona og Willy i Canada. Willy er en god, gammel canadisk hippie, som tilmed boede på Christiania engang i 70'erne, og som stadig kører Nimbus. Og Mona er hans danske kæreste. Perfekt selskab at have, og vi er virkelig glade for at de inviterede os to vise mænd (der selvfølgelig burde have været de TRE vise mænd). Perfekt tid & sted.

Gaver er en del af julen, enten man kan lide det eller ej. Selv nægter jeg at give noget der har været set i en annonce, i min stille kamp mod julekommercialiseringen. Dertil kommer at en gave skal være til nytte for den der får den. Til vores værter, er vi (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***). Men hven kan ikke bruge en (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***)? Og i øvrigt, tager man alle de steder hvor det er annonceret at den ikke er til salg for pålydende, hvordan kan den være mindre kommerciel?

Til Klaus havde jeg købt – eller rettere; stjålet – eller rettere; 'organiseret' en (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***), som jeg selv finder både praktisk, billig og designmæssigt vellykket. Hvis han nogensinde vil (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***) kan den bruges som dekoration, men vil han hellere opleve (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***) i Nicaragua, får han virkelig brug or den. Faktisk gav jeg en mage til til en kammerat da jeg gik i 2. klasse, og jeg glemmer aldrig hvor glad han blev for det. Næste jul købte han endda en til enhver i sin egne familie, så dér ramte jeg plet.

Selv Nimbusserne er blevet pyntet op til julen; min har fået horn fra en rens-elg sat fast med bagagestropper. Nu ligner den Rudolf Med Den Røde Portvinstud, og at køre den er vel ligesom at ride på en rens-elg, men bare bedre, stærkere og med oliedryp.

Sidst, men ikke mindst, har vi downloaded nogle af de mest populære skandinaviske julesange, som 'Drømmere og Drankere', 'Bedstemor blev dræbt af et rensdyr', (http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/bestemor-ble-drept-av-et-reinsdyr/id297992027?i=297992070) 'Juleaften i spjældet' og den mest populære Eddie Meduza sang af alle tider; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dobpeXTgjGg

Nu er alt klar til en fin jul i gode venners lag. Som en gave til læsere af denne blog vil jeg få den opdateret, så I kan læse detaljerne om hvordan det er at køre tværs over USA om vinteren. Glædelig Jul til alle, og tak for støtten I gav i 2009.

Lige en ting til: Hvis nogen af jer ikke er færdige med at købe gaver for i år, og stadig spekulerer hvad man skal købe, så er en (***CENSURERET TIL EFTER JUL***) et fin gave og sjældent udsolgt.

Tormod
tormod.amlien@gmail.com

Willy puts the food on the table for Christmas Dinner

Food lined up
OMFG, I forgot the asparges!
Big family Christmas dinner

"Gee, fag-equipment was the last thing I needed, I'm not even bike-curious"

Klaus with his beautiful wrapped gift I gave him

Excitement increasing

Ahh, what can it be?

"A plunger! That was exactly what I needed!"

"Ah, I'm so touched now. How could Tormod know that this was the only thing I really wanted, besides a steam-organ?"

In addition to all the items stolen from motels Mona and Willy got one of the very few KCCD posters made up by AB; on Norway, http://www.abm.no/

Mona and Willy in Guelph, Canada. Our great hosts for x-mas

Us and the ink-squirter from the local paper Guelph Mercury. An exceptional journalist, he had actually bothered to look up the website and read it before coming. Not often to see that in paper business, makes you appreciate the few times you see it.

Os og en bladsmører fra den lokale avis Guelph Mercury. En exceptionel journalist, som endda havde gjort sig umagen at tjekke vores website før han dukkede op. Det er ikke tit man ser den slags i bladbranchen, så man værdsætter det desto mere når det sker.

Refined x-mas extract

Darren Stomp test drove the Christmas decorated Nimbus, and said "Antlers is the way forward, it gives the bike a new an wild approach, and you feel like a king in the traffic. Not even the OCC guys on Discovery could have done it better".

Darren Stomp testkørte den juledekorerede Nimbus, og mente at "gevirer er vejen frem, det giver motorcyklen en ny og vildere tilgang, som får dig til at føle dig som vejenes hersker. End ikke fyrene fra Orange County Choppers kunne have gjort det bedre."

Race-testing of the Rein-Moose Antler setup. Please don’t note the angle of the front wheel through the curve, the bikes have never appreciated my racing efforts to the degree my soul appreciate it.

Race-test af a gevir-setuppet. Læg venligst ikke mærke til forhjulets vinkel gennem kurven, for motorcyklen har aldrig værdsat mine racerforsøg nær så meget som min sjæl har værdsat dem.